The following is my personal regrets in regards to pastoral ministry over the past 10 years, mixed with a bit of satire. Theses regrets do not reflect on one specific church or congregation but are rather a summary of my feelings. These regrets are not meant to be taken personally, unless a personal reference is made.
I put too much trust in the Church leaders:
Well before I even get there, I have to say that I have worked in churches where it was evident by the things certain people said or did, that they did not even have a relationship with Jesus. Like straight up disgusting decisions to lie, cheat or even treat a person differently based on their race or socio-economic status.
I made the mistake of trusting church leaders to make the right decisions and lead the church in a “godly manner” which I can admit now; was a huge regret. I would happily swap in any of my middle school kids to replace those “church elders” to serve—they would have been increasingly more effective, loving and caring. I stupidly trusted them when they said they would do something, or have my back in a decision…only to be thrown under the bus literally hours later. They will kick you when you are down.
Church leaders will always put their needs and agenda before you as a pastor. It doesn’t matter how good of a pastor you are or how much you accomplish. Once you fulfill what they want, you are dispensable—like a tampon.
I should have just stuck to running programs:
I thought I knew better, I tried my best to build relationship with the people I worked with. Such as the student leaders, adult leaders and students. Relationship building is my strength, but a majority of the churches I served at, were not comfortable with that. I can recall over a dozen times where relational ministry was challenged with statements like:
“Oh…that means we have to get to know each other?”
“This makes me uncomfortable. I am not ready for this type of commitment.”
“I feel this is inappropriate.”
I apologize, we all know that Jesus was a robot who never had a relationship with anyone, which made going to the cross as non-emotional as possible. Jesus doesn’t really want a relationship with humanity…he just wants the idea of one because who would really want to get to know you?
Not sure what kind of ministry is done without “relationships” but sign me up…it might help me keep a pastoral job longer. Even Scotty P isn’t that stupid..
I underestimated the power of “church bullshit”:
Church politics? Let’s be real. It’s bullshit; straight from the pit of hell if you ask me. It disgusts me to the point of increasing my need to vomit—truth be told I actually have vomited due to church bullshit.
However, I regret that I didn’t engage in the gossip, backstabbing and slander that occurred in the churches I served in. I think it would have really opened my mind to see who in fact were the “douche-bags” in the church. I could have also exercised my passive aggressive nature to tear some people down so I could earn my stripes with the rest of the “church bullies”.
God knows I have a ton of juicy stuff people told me in confidence, affairs, lies people have been living for years, stealing from work, drug usage, habitual masturbation, church leaders who were actively abusing their children, catching couples engaging in oral sex in the church…man I could have put all that stuff on blast just like them!
Church bullshit can literally tear a church apart. Ever wonder why so many people have left your church? Yes, my finger is pointing right at it, church bullshit.
I invested too much time into people:
I regret wasting my time investing in people. Let me re-phrase, wasting it on people who don’t matter. There are a handful of people in every church that are a waste of time. They are usually considered “trouble makers”, “tough kids” or “emotional sponges” but behind closed doors, church leaders call them “a waste of time”.
I normally found myself drawn to this group of people. This group would be known for their “un-church like attitudes”, smelling of body odor or drugs, their “always wanting to fight you” or tell you off and best yet, their always wanting to be with you…wherever you go.
I should have been more like Jesus, with investing my time with the righteous and the goody goodies. Jesus knew how to do ministry; un-relational, impersonal and with the righteous.
5. I should have insisted on an hourly salary:
No joke here. Pastors are the most taken advantage among all professions. What other job do you literally work 60-70 hours a week on average, plus be available all hours of the day for immediate email response, house calls, hospital visits, phone calls AND meetings that run until 1:00am? Even if I was paid minimum wage I would have made way more than I did on salary.
If I were to take the highest monthly salary I was ever paid, and divided it by the actual hours I put in…I would come close to $6 an hour. At the end of the day, you can’t help but feel very appreciated. Thanks for showing me how much I am worth to you, truly heart warmed. Oh and I would definitely would have charged a fee every time I had to deal with church bullshit…that would add up real fast, trust me 😉
“..sorry let’s pause, before we continue please swipe your credit card for a bullshit fee, I waived it last time…but this time you gotta pay up” 😉